We don’t talk about this enough. Not in HR town halls. Not in “Women in Leadership” panels. Not in safe-sounding mentorship programs. But we all feel it

The tension, The side-eye, The subtle cut

The weird energy that sneaks into all-female spaces when another woman starts to shine.

It’s not always loud, in fact, it often sounds like “I’m just being honest.” Or “She’s just… a lot.” Or worse, nothing at all. Just silence. Distance. Disdain

This is the part of women’s empowerment that’s still wrapped in shame. What happens when the harm comes from another woman?

Let’s Talk About the Catfight

The term itself is offensive, designed to belittle conflict between women by making it sound petty, emotional, and shallow. But here’s the problem: we dismissed the term without addressing the tension.

Because whether we like it or not, something is happening between women at work.

Sometimes it looks like fake smiles and cold shoulders. Sometimes it looks like gossip dressed up as concern. Sometimes it’s just that feeling, when another woman walks in the room and everything shifts.

So let’s stop pretending it’s not real. Let’s unpack where it comes from, how it hurts us, and how we break the cycle.

Where Does It Come From? The Hidden Wound Between Women

We’ve been fed this rivalry for generations, told to fight for scraps, to distrust softness, to view each other as competition for love, attention, recognition, power. We didn’t invent this system. But we’ve inherited it deeply.

It comes from:

Scarcity and Comparison Culture There’s still this myth that only a few women can rise. So instead of linking arms, we battle quietly, each one hoping not to be the one left behind.
Internalized Misogyny We’ve absorbed the same cultural poison that says: “She’s too emotional.” “She’s too pretty.” “She’s trying too hard.” We don’t just hear it, we start to say it ourselves.
Unresolved Hurt Women who’ve been burned, bullied, excluded, betrayed, often guard themselves with suspicion. And sometimes, that suspicion becomes sabotage.
Validation Chasing Some women align against other women to win favor with men or higher-ups. They seek safety through compliance, and power through proximity.
Power Imitation In male-dominated systems, some women mimic the exact behaviors that harmed them. Toughness. Coldness. Control. Because that’s what they think leadership looks like.

Another Root: The Way We Were Raised

Some of this starts long before the workplace. In homes and schools where girls were told to be special. To be the best. To be the center of attention.

And when you’re raised to believe that attention is your currency, any other woman shining feels like theft.

It’s not that she’s too much. It’s that you were taught you had to be the only.

Envy shows up not because she did something wrong, but because she disrupted a fragile identity. And that’s not a her problem. That’s a mirror.

How It Manifests ‘and Why It’s So Familiar’

It’s not always cruel. It’s not always loud. But it’s always corrosive.

Gossiping, back-channeling, “venting”
Excluding women from key invites or meetings
Undermining with sarcasm or “jokes”
Dismissing ideas until a man says the same thing
Withholding support, praise, or credit
Pretending not to notice someone’s effort or success
Turning others against her behind closed doors

These behaviors often get rewarded, because they’re strategic. Calculated. Masked in charm. But they kill something sacred: trust.

And Then There Are the Bystanders

The women who don’t say a word. The ones who watch it unfold and tell themselves, “It’s not my place.” Or worse: follow the dominant woman in the room out of fear, needing her approval like oxygen.

Some believe silence makes them neutral. Some are too afraid to be the next target. Some tell themselves, “It’s not worth it.”

But here’s the truth: If you stay silent while another woman is being torn down, you are not neutral. You are part of the problem.

Every time we watch and do nothing, we teach the room what is acceptable.

The Questions We Need to Ask Ourselves

This isn’t about shame. This is about self-awareness. If you’ve ever caught yourself withholding kindness, rolling your eyes, or silently celebrating another woman’s failure, pause and ask:

What part of me feels threatened right now?
Where did I learn to see other women as competition?
Is this behavior protecting me, or proving something?
Would I treat a man the same way in this situation?
What would it cost me to uplift her instead?

And bigger than that: What kind of woman am I becoming in rooms where no one is watching?

The world doesn’t need more perfect women. It needs more aware ones.

If You’re on the Receiving End: Don’t Shrink. Don’t Shatter.

You walk into the room, you do your job, you stay kind, and still, someone throws shade. Maybe she talks behind your back. Maybe she never gives you credit. Maybe she just makes you feel... less than.

You’re not imagining it. But you’re also not powerless.

Here’s how to stay whole when another woman tries to chip away at you:

Protect your energy, not your ego This isn’t about proving your worth, it’s about preserving your peace.
Don’t make her pain your identity She might be acting from fear, insecurity, or her own trauma. That’s hers to carry, not yours.
Hold your standard Stay gracious. Stay grounded. You don’t have to be passive, but you don’t need to match her behavior either.
Build your circle of real ones Find the women who clap when you win, who check you with love, who hold space without conditions. These women exist. Find them. Be one of them.

Where We Go From Here

We need to stop asking: Why do women act like this? And start asking: How do we unlearn it? How do we replace it? How do we build something better, together?

Because we don’t need another all-women event with curated panels and filtered stories. We need honesty. Depth. Accountability. We need a different kind of women’s club, one rooted in alignment, not image. In elevation, not performance.

Let’s Build the Women’s Club. Not the Cage.

This isn’t about all of us becoming best friends. This is about choosing not to be each other’s enemies by default.

It’s about praising out loud. Checking in privately. Standing up when someone’s being torn down. Creating more seats, without keeping score.

Because every time we choose support over sabotage, we build a new culture. Every time we rise together, we rewrite the ending.

And the best part? We don’t need permission. We just need each other.

Final Thoughts!

“We weren’t meant to compete for space. We were meant to create more of it, for each other.”

It’s time we tell the truth, not to divide, but to heal. Because the tension between women at work isn’t a myth. It’s lived. It’s real. It’s painful. And it’s fixable.

We’ve are part of a system built on silence, scarcity, and survival. But that doesn’t mean we have to keep passing it down.

We get to build something else. Something rooted in reflection, not rivalry. In power shared, not power hoarded. One where no woman has to rise alone.

🤔 Have you ever been in a room where the tension wasn’t about gender, but between women? Have you ever caught yourself on either side of this? Drop your reflection in the comments or DMs.

📌 Know a woman who’s been on either side of this? Tag her. Share this. Invite her into the conversation, not the competition.

♻️ If this landed somewhere deep, resonated, pass it on, send it to a woman you trust. Or one you’ve had tension with but never unpacked it . Because the bridge doesn’t build itself, and this dialogue is how it begins

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Beyond the Catfight: Rewriting the Story of Women at Work